So today is September 14, 2016 and its been a little over a year since my last post and a week past my Birthday..which to be honest …totally sucked. I am trying to pull myself out of a deep funk. I started seeing a therapist and as typical of my luck, she has become unavailable due to an illness in her family. So here I am with so much angst, sadness and depression and no one to pay to talk to. Sigh…So what do I do…. I turn to my blog.
I am still not employed…I have attended workshops but to be honest they don’t address the very real problem of feeling unhirable. Actually I think I failed on a phone interview because I was too prepared. I can’t seem to find the magic words or bullets that will point me towards a new successful career. I keep thinking a miracle will happen,. But…what if I’m all out of miracles…what if this is the end of the road for me…and then, I panic…what am I going to do…I’m running out of resources…and friends ….and family…all of which are in very short supply.
I am in a very dark place and don’t know how to find the light. I have my animals and frankly they are what is keeping me together. My dog requires walks and food…The cats require clean litter boxes and food. If i were not to awake tomorrow…would anyone know….my phone rarely rings and when it does…its either Dell telling me my replacement computer is still NOT on its way or its a charity looking for donations.
My house is in disrepair…no money to fix the massive issues…no energy to fix the little issues…Inside it looks like a Hoarder lives here….how …why…am i in this pickle…
When I was a little baby…my mom said i was so beautiful and sweet she prayed for god to be good to me and watch over me….well…in a way he/she has…but still…I am in this pickle….
So….now that I have vented and shared, what do I do….How do I move forward. Yes, I know, one step at a time…but how….I lost my mom too many years ago…I never got to get any words of her wisdom or advice…I’ve been on my own mom wise for most of my adult years….maybe that’s why im stuck.
Guess it’s time to pick myself up…put on the big girl panties and figure it out….it’s not going to be pretty….but it will be real and it will be me!
Actually that s step 2…Step one…get new glasses…..sigh